Was it for Lust- an answer about the wives of the Prophet Mohammed S.A.W

Any of those who attack our precious deen of Islam must first attack the reputation of our beloved Prophet Mohammed (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam), as indeed has been done by the enemies of Islam since the day Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala) first guided His Messenger to testify to the Oneness of God. To do so in this day and age, they often bring up the issue of multiple wives, to scare us away from seeking out more knowledge of who this man actually was who Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala) chose to reveal the Qu'ran to and have him worthy enough to guide mankind in its matters.It has always been easy for an educated historian to reply to that: Christianity and Judaism also allowed for multiple wives as King Soloman had 700 wives and over 300 slaves in the Torah and the Bible. Islam is the only religion to have put a cap on how many wives a man could have [four] and remains the only religion to say it is better to marry only one. Critics of Islam will then ask, why did the Prophet Mohammed (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam) marry more than one then?

Now, you enemies of Islam, be patient in your address, and let truth itself defend our beloved Messenger (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam). The first wife (and first Muslim) of the Prophet Mohammed (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam), was a 40 year old twice widowed woman of great wealth and beauty belonging to the clan of Banu Hashim named Khaidijah bint Khuwaylid (may Allah be pleased with her) who was also the mother of three sons. Khadijah bint Khuwaylid was much sought after as a wife by many for both her beauty, and her wealth. By 585 CE, Khadijah was left a widow and the mother of three sons. Despite having married twice, and twice losing her husbands to the ravaging wars to which Arabia was subjected, she showed no inclination to marry a third time, even though she was sought for marriage by many honorable and highly respected men of the Arabian peninsula, throughout which she was quite famous, due to her business dealings.

The Prophet Mohammed (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam) who was 15 years younger than Khadijah, was also of a noble family, but he was an orphan and was not a man of many means. He had made a meager living tending sheep in the hills surrounding the city. Yet, at 25 years old, he had an impeccable moral character, and he was widely known as one of the most honest men around, and his reputation for honesty helped his uncle Abu Talib to convice Khaidjah to hire him on with one of her caravans. She sent him one of her servants, Maysarah, who was young, brilliant, and talented, to assist him and be Mohammed's bookkeeper. She also trusted Maysarah's account regarding her new employee's conduct, an account that was most striking, indeed one that encouraged her to abandon her decision never to marry again. For instance, he treated this servant like a person, with kindness, and compassion, as person but equal for good deeds and intentions. After he came back from his first business trip, she asked her servant, whom she sent with him, about him and his conduct. The servant amazed her by his report: this young man was the kindest, gentlest man he had ever met. Never did he treat the servant harshly, as many others do. Yet, there was more: as they traveled in the heat of the desert, the servant noticed that a cloud had followed them the entire time, shading them from the blazing sun.

With the passage of time, Khadijah's admiration for Muhammad (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam), developed into a deeper affection. Khadijah was by then convinced that she had finally found a man who was worthy of her, so much so that she initiated the marriage proposal herself, sending her sister to speak with him about marriage. She asked him, "Why are you not married, yet?" "For lack of means," he answered. "What if I could offer you a wife of nobility, beauty, and wealth? Would you be interested?" she told him. He replied in the affirmative, but when she mentioned her sister, the young employee chuckled in amazement. "How could I marry her?! She has turned down the most noble men in the city, much wealthier and prominent than me, a poor shepherd," he said. "Don't you worry," the sister replied, "I'll take care of it."

The Prophet Mohammed (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam), at twenty-five years of age married forty year old widowed beauty Khadijah bint Kuwaylid, and they remained married for 25 years. In a time when marriage to a woman meant taking over ownership of all her property and taking multiple wives, the Prophet (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam) never took a dinar of Khadijah's money that she did not give in a gift to him and to the cause of Islam, and he never thought of divorcing her and making off with her money to marry a younger prettier entourage (as he was legally entitled to do so in the land but NOT within the laws of Islam [so the argument that he just married her and had to be faithful to her for her money is NULL]). It wasn't until after his death that he began to consider marriage again, and when he finally agreed, it was, he said, it was because he so missed the companionship of Khadijah.

The Prophet Muhammad (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam) mourned her deeply, and even after her death, the Prophet would send food and support to Khadijah's friends and relatives, out of love for his first wife. Once, years after Khadijah died, he came across a necklace that she once wore. When he saw it, he remembered her and began to cry. His love for her never died, so much so, that his later wife, A'isha became jealous of her memory. Once she asked the Prophet if Khadijah had been the only woman worthy of his love. The Prophet replied: "She believed in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one else to lend me a helping hand."

Much has been made and said about Prophet Muhammad's (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam), multiple marriages. There are many who smear the Prophet (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam), as a womanizing philanderer, citing his multiple marriages. This is absolute propaganda. As a response to those who malign the Prophet, as if the Prophet were anything of the sort, he would have taken advantage of his youth to do such a thing. But he did not! At a time when it was a common custom to have multiple wives, the Prophet (salla Allah alaihi wa sallam), did not marry anyone else while he was with Khadijah.

It was only two years after Khadijah died, may God be pleased with her, that he married other women. He was then 52 years old. Let us examine his other marriages. First off, all of them excepting Aisha (R.A) were widows, many with children that he had to struggle to support. For instance, Sawda (R.A), was EIGHTY YEARS OLD and a widow. One woman, Safiyah (R.A) converted to Islam and divorced her husband and no one else offered to care for her. One woman was from the Christians, and one from the Jews.

As for Aisha (R.A) the Prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam asked for her hand from Abu Bakr when she was 6 years old and in the presence of the girl's mother who agreed, and they were married when she was 9. Aisha (R.A) had her period by then (I had mine at eight years of age so I understand---if you grow up in a hot climate you tend to get your period ealier than a cold one) and back then it was completely common for a woman who could not support herself to get married at a young age. One of my grandmothers got married at fifteen in 1913, and the other at sixteen in 1930. I got married at twenty-one but I could have been mentally stable enough to be married at eleven with a mature enough man who was patient and good [no good Muslim men in the hick town I grew up in---no Muslims either LOL]. Aisha (R.A) loved her husband very much, and she is historically documented to have expressed how much in various recorded hadith narrated BY HERSELF. People like to call him, astaghfurallah, a child molester, would have to accuse their own ancestors of the same thing, because if you go back a few hundred years, let alone the same century as the Prophet Mohammed's lifetime, your own ancestor's will be marrying very young. Marie Antionette of Austria/France, for example, was married at fourteen years old (as soon as she had her menstration).

C'mon people that-- astighfurallah--- accuse the Prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam of being a pervert: most of these wives were widows, whom the Prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam married to care after them, or they were the daughters of prominent Arab chieftains, so that the Prophet could form a cohesive Muslim society out of a fiercely tribalistic (and barbaric) Arab culture. While doing so, the Prophet Mohammed salla Allah alaihi wa sallam was very much in his old age and was being persecuted and forced out his land for nine years, tying rocks to his abdomen because of hunger from lack of food, sleeping on straw mats... Sure, he definately needed another mouth to feed. I'm sure, at fifty+ years and nigh starving to death all he could think about was sex. I don't know if you've ever been hungry, like I mean, you haven't eaten for weeks, well, your sex drive is one of the first things to go... C'MON!!!!!!! The smears against the Prophet salla Allah alaihi wa sallam fall flat on their faces once the light of truth shines brightly upon them.

I suggest everyone read more about the wives of the Prophet Mohammed salla Allah alaihi wa sallam and his treatment of them. His advice to men concerning women: "The best of you are the best to your spouses.

" A good english nashid with no stringed instruments (I am of the opinion that drums and singing are halal if the content is as well) about Khadijah http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bam1E1G4aCc

SIDENOTE: For those like Oum Amir that constantly try to discredit Islam, I am of the opinion that ANY woman who is mature enough to understand an emotional relationship and is physically sexually aroused is ready for marriage. This differs on culture, climate, and social surroundings (and yes, eight years old is an exception in the West and alot of other places but as it happened to me I know it is MORE common then people think), but for Aisha R.A 's time period she was consider mature enough. She was teaching and leading a nation at the age you SAY she was simply old enough to start considering marriage. Also, with Islamic marriages, the parents can arrange the marriage (ie when she was six) but it isn't official until she was old enough to agree to it, and even after that, it was later that it was consummated. "Oum Amir" go take your anti-Islam stuff elsewhere. Your own ancestors probably have six year old brides. My ancestors have alot of eight and ten year old brides back three hundred years. You cannot compare certain things. I fly a plane now to travel, Aisha R.A had a camel. Some things have changed but what remains is the need for marriage when a child becomes a woman and is sexually and emotionally mature (and this can happen waaaaaaaaay earlier for some girls like it did for myself). You can't tell me my breasts came in at eight and my mind didn't until I was 15. From personal experience, I KNOW you are wrong to generalize. And your intentions are actually evil.

When would I consider this "second wife" business

I am the first wife, so first off, I should begin with when I would accept a second wife (and a third:p). Or maybe I should begin with, I am the only wife, and my husband isn't looking. First off, my mother would kill him if he took a second wife (she is a non-muslim) and my mother-in-law (she is a Saudi Muslimah) would kill him. And being that it is against the law in my country it would make our lives difficult in general. And since it isn't a practice in my husband's family it would have to come out of some out-of-the-ordinary circumstances for us, since my husband is adamant that polygamy is a sunnah of exception, not a sunnah that is mustahaab. He says he would only consider it if half the male population were physically wiped out, and even then he still thinks that he would be too selfish to treat a gaggle of females fairly. It is alot of work, he says, upkeeping one wife, should she desire not to work one day, and to support all your possible children Islamically, helping them with the expenses of education and marriage and getting their first home.

BTW all, this post came out of some thinking after reading Aalia's post [here: http://chasing-jannah.blogspot.com/2009/08/ask-co-wife-interview.html ].

Still, I know women (even seeing my husband happily married to me!) eye my husband up as possible marriage material. One waitress at my favourite restaurant [not a Muslimah alhamdulilah---- I mean in this situation I would have been saddened by a Muslimah behaving this way--- not that I don't hope she comes to Islam:p] approached my husband with her phone number after I went to the restroom. The owner of the premise happened to be within earshot. "No thank-you Ma'aam, I am married," my husband informed her. "It doesn't matter," waitress said. "No thank-you," my husband said. After she went away the owner came up to my husband and apologised. (Yeah, it doesn't hurt that the owner is one of my favourite clients from my old job unbeknownst to my husband and she is the sweetest and most fiesty and independent lady EVER lol). She (the owner) informed my husband the matter would be taken care of, and she fired said waitress after service. My husband relates the experience to me, afraid it will make me feel insecure. He doesn't need to worry. I trust him already. Some Emirati chick already tried to pull the same thing. My husband generally doesn't look a woman in the eyes and always remains a respectful distance. The fact is, studies have proven, that women are more attracted to married (or engaged in a relationship) men than unmarried ones. It is wired into our brains:p Not that that is ANY excuse for behaviour without hayaa (modesty) and taqwa (fear of Allah).

Despite what alot of misinformed people think, polygamy is not encouraged in Islam. In Judaism and Christianity polygamy existed (with NOOOOOOooooooooo cap on how many wives you could have) up until the Jewish priesthood and the Christian church (not the teachings of either faith) put a kibosh on that. Islam actuallywas the first to make a move to do anything about multiple wives. Islam said you could ONLY EVER have four wives at the same time. It further specified that a man could only marry more than one woman if he could physically and mentally and spiritually treat all the women he aimed to marry fairly and equally. Which is where my husband whines, but I don't want to... Personally, I think he is CAPABLE, but I do not think he is WILLING to work that hard lol.

There is also another thing about that ayah in the Qu'ran permitting polygamy (allowing of course the four cap and the fairness part) that many forget, but let me quote it in whole first before explaining in depth:

And if you have reason to fear that you might not act equitably towards orphans, then marry from among [the] women such as are lawful to you - [even] two, or three, or four: but if you have reason to fear that you might not be able to treat them with equal fairness, then [only] one ...

THIS ayah SAYS THAT if you cannot be fair towards the orphans (which unmarried reverts, divorced women without families, and orphan children all are) [fair, means limit yourself to halal conduct and give sadaqah] IF YOU CANNOT DO JUST THIS, then, you should marry, to stop yourself from taking advantage of them or doing things improper. This is part of it (who you can marry when marrying more than one), coming before the cap, and coming before the "treat them fairly" bit. So if a man is marrying more than one wife, it should be a woman who is alone in the world, with little or no support. THEN, on top of that, if adds, of these women in your care, if you would marry one, do not marry another if you cannot treat her fair. It does not say you should marry three, or four, lol, if you can take care of the women without improriety within the shariah. But it says, to prevent impropriety you should marry them. Which doesn't make marriage to more than one a recommendation of the religion. The recommendation is that marriage itself stops impropriety, and the best kind of women to marry if one must marry, are those women who have no one to care for them, and really, the ayah states, that the only reason to marry more than one is to care for orphans (whether they be children who need a mother who is financially and emotionally capable to raise them, a divorced woman, a widowed woman, or a woman without family). It is quite literal, and is obvious in the Arabic AND translated text. I will say of course there are many men that abuse the meaning of the text, and thus so-called Islamic polygamy gets a bad rap, but that is not how it is. How it truly is, is very unselfish on the man's part, and an act of charity (not lust and self-satisfaction).

So having studied the sunnah of multiple marriages, I can conclude, I would accept if my husband married a second wife (even if our families both disowned us for this or my country prosecuted us for this) if she was:

a. a divorced woman who could find no other good Muslim man to marry her and she was lonely and having difficulty supporting herself and maybe even her kids (I'd be willing to work to help support her too even though Islamically my husband couldn't marry another if he alone couldn't come up with the income),

b. a revert sister without a Muslim family who couldn't find a husband but was lonely,

c. a widowed woman in the same condition as woman a..,

d. If I could not have children and my husband wanted some (then obviously he could marry from a, b, and c)

e. If I had some horrible illness that made me a vegatble, or like, paralyzed, or fatigued to the point of vegetation lol (here, and only here, he could marry any woman that he wants).

In all cases but e. I would have some further criteria... I'd have to get along with the other woman, so I'd have to approve of her too, on top of my husband approving of her. Personally, myself, I'd want us all to live in the same house (but a big house, with each wife having her own floor). I wouldn't want side by side bedrooms, ya know? Ick. But I wouldn't want my husband sleeping under another roof. I would feel vulnerable then. But I guess I would be able to live with it if wife two or three or four from categories a. and c. already owned their own properties and didn't want to sell them or move their kids. But that would be hard for me. I perfer the monster house with our own sections idea.

One of the happiest marriages I have ever seen was like this (there were three wives and two were close in age [the second and the third (the third was a divorcee with an abusive family)] and the second wife was a widow from her first marriage and was thirty years older than their husband and she was like the Mommy one the other two went to for advice. There were all extroidanarily close, and obviously, the husband sought out women that needed help and that would get along, and thus, lol, the marriage was actually harder on him (since he had to work to support all three) than it was one them. Plus, lol, since they were all so close, if he ever truly messed up, usually all three would be mad to him together lol.

So I have seen it work. So I know I could do it, if it was done right. I am totally not into the guy needing another woman (who isn't in need) when nothing is wrong with his first wife (so what, she gained some baby weight, what have you done lately?hmmm?!). I would do it if divorced or widowed if the wife or wives sat at the same table as the husband and no one was just picking me as the baby-making machine or the sex toy ya know? If that were the case I'd wind up divorced pretty fast because becuase I require intellectual depth from a spouse and require to be required for the same.

I`d also want the big house compared to seperate houses because of my own preferences. And I would never, never agree to marry a man if I knew he was already married and his wife wasn`t involved in the process. That`s about it.

I know I don`t have to worry about it in the slightest, but I thought I`d get all my thoughts and reasonings out, lol, to understand my entire stance on the issue.